Tete-a-tete

Today is an especially slow day for me because I simply felt like living la vida lazy. I slept late last night, hammering my merajuk away on the keyboard ; sulking, because somebody did not help me clear up, and especially for forgetting to buy me tiramisu from Hiedstand for the SECOND time. Finished the song a little after 3 am, and chatted with a definitely woozy Ayu for a while. After a small glass of water for sahur, I just collapsed into bed. Next thing I knew CA woke me up, and it was going to be terang benderang. The Gajah pun dah subuh.

Hey, maybe I'd pass the song to Anedra and see if she is in the mood to write another set of lyrics. Nak?

So today, I am a stay-in-bed mom, only not as good looking as that blonde lady on Arrested Development. I have long tidied up the bed I slept on last night, now I am typing this in the comfort of the guest room where I have placed A's toys and all the necessary stuff to keep her from peeling my eyelids should I slip into darkness.

Some good news, Ayu has updated. Ok,I admit it, I am an addict. Ely has probably dropped 3 dress size as the South Beach diet is doing her a lot of good. My puasa ganti accidently reduced 5 lbs off strategic locations, Mak and Bapak noticed, and CA noted that the back end of my torso is shaping pretty nicely. And because of that, I gave The Cocoa Tree a visit and bought a bag of Belgian Noir minibars for ME!ME! ME!, Whittaker's Almond Gold for me and MIL, ( Nad, dia jual bar besar gila, Nad, bukan kecik2 macam dulu tu, boleh gila, Nad..) and heart shaped milk chocs for my babies. Ayu says, I am hopeless, no way I can diet like this. We were imagining if Ailin lived next door to me. She with her delish bakes and I with my sinful indulgences, Ayu said she's definitely stay away from our homes. I was like, hey, Ailin and I would probably keep our front door open, just so we can check put each others' kitchens and see what's cooking. Or we would not be cooking but YMing while sitting next to each other.

Another great news, people are really making serious hot kueh these days. Elisa binte Pok Ku sudah berjaya, MakNenek may have some news soon. I suddenly have this crazy longing for babies. But then, aiya..engineer husband must lay down the hard facts before we could make kueh shamelessly, recklessly. Something in me tells me I am ready. Hmm...

Oh, and I went shopping with the inlaws' yesterday. Had that delicious Thaksin Beef Noodles. Bapak had all the gearbox offal in his soup, we all had beef alat-alat. Jalan punya jalan, while Bapak had a massage at the reflexologist, lapar la pulak. So we popped over to banquet and had rojak buah, and fried white carrot cake, washed down with frothy teh tarek.

Balik je, sedih because he did not get me the yummilicious tiramisu and truffle cake. Luckily I stocked up at The Cocoa Tree. Maybe he is deliberately controlling my chocolate intake tak? Could that be remotely possible?

And with all that chocolate, a new bottle of B*rberry and a necklace(ooooh, and I so love it!), I still merajuk because I so wanted the tiramisu and truffle cake.The goodies were just $2.40 for a small slice, and halal ones are so hard to come buy. *sulk sulk sulk*

NVM, I have all the ingredients to make tiramisu, I will get those creamed strawberries for Cold Storage down the road, and make them a part of my kiss-and-make-up repertoire, IF I get lucky. I must and I must have my cravings satiated. Wajib!

While A was having lunch, I chatted with Kak Teh. She's doing okay, albeit missing AG to bits and main chop-chop PC dekat computer lab.. I told her about my rajuk, and she shared me a little story that's supposed to help me focus on more important things. Therapy with Kakteh always cures my muncung lah. Please don't start charging ah Kakteh lahleng?

She also shared with me some sad news about the demise of two Malay sailors who are very close to her heart. Panjangkan doa untuk Allahyarham Pak Arshad and Allahyarham Pak Majid, valiant heroes of their time.

We also talked about our similar habit of eating alone at restaurants with the company of a captivating book. That's a story for another day. Meanwhile, Kakteh, I am sure AG misses you just as much.

I am fasting again today, hallucinating floating mascarpone, fluffy cream and fairy chocolate dust. Uja says there is a Halal Food fest at Expo. Aiyaaaaaaaaaaa...masalah lah Labu! I hope CA would manja me and take me to that Cuban gig tonite, and join you in your kegiatan berfoya-foya. Labak, jangan tak labak!

Early Childhood Entertainment

For some kids, it's Barney, Sesame Street, Hi-5 and myriads of others. For this kid, it's Anuar Zain. Bet the mother is a great big fan.

Jangan terbegik Raudz. Sabar...sabar dik ye?

My Kapoor Crush

The previous meme brought back memories of how much Hindi movie I watched when I was in primary school. Thanks to Makcik Rose who was a true blue Hindi fan. I remember falling in love for the first time with the Kapoor brothers, Shashi especially. I remember Dhamendra from Yadon Ki Barat, but I could not get over Sangaam, Junglee and Bobby. There is no Khans or Bachchans in Bollywood who can take the place of the Kapoors in my heart. Today, while surfing, I found this. All of them are grandfathers now. But then again, I refuse to erase that cherubic good looks of Raj, Daboo, Rishi, Shammi and Shashi off my long term memory bank. I also remember the babes of Bollywood, Dimple, Rekha, Sridevi, Zeenat Aman, Kajal Kiron, Shoma Anand, Bhavna, Jaya Prada, Naseem, Sonam, Divya Bharti and how amply proportioned they were. Yet still confident enough to jiggle all the way down meadows and throwing them rolly pollies on pink cushions provocatively yet still maintaining a certain degree of decency. Remember those nak cium tapi malu lah scenes?

That led to serious digging into my collection of Lata Mageshkar, Asha Bhosle, Mohd Rafi and Kishore Kumar, I got quite a few, thanks to my MIL.

My favourite is:

Kaliyon ka chaman tab banta hai

Thoda resham lagta hai

thoda shesha lagta hai

Heere moti jadte hain

thoda sona lagta hai

Thoda resham lagta hai

thoda shesha lagta hai

Heere moti jadte hain

thoda sona lagta hai

Haaaan ho ho ho..Oooooo oh ho hoooo...Haaaan ho ho ho..Oooooo oh ho hoooo...

This song by Lata, is the one song I keep hearing everywhere I went when I was pregnant with Aishah. But then, I did spend a lot of time at Mustafa Center back then.

Oh-oh. I am turning into a Makcik Rose. Luckily they don't make Hindi movies like they used to. Who is your favourite Kapoor?

Meanwhile, take a listen to an oldie by the Kapoors.

*serious rolling of bodies over hills and flowerbeds in between multiple costume changes*

Memerable Memories

Lil Ms D memed me.

20 years ago, 1985 (age 10)

1.First discovered Bee Dees.
2.Won a RM30 award for best Malay student (that was a lot of money for a kid who got 40 sen a day as duit jajan)
3.Discovered that I had a knack for sports. An old friend, Norhanizam aka Yeop, trained me to run like him at 100m sprint.
4.Acquired survival kitchen skills from Makcik Rose.
5.Help make popiah and cucur udang at the school canteen after netball practice.
6.Had a small dancing team, Norzie, Aisa, Mimi and I performed at class parties. Learned zapin, inang and boria steps.
7.Sparred with boys, lost twice to Kean Jin and Khalil, discovered how painful it is to be kicked in the tummy.
8.The boys let me play soccer in the evenings.
9.Mak left for Amsterdam on a loooooooong broadcasting course at Radio Nederland, I had fun bossing my siblings around.
10.Arwah makwo was bedridden after her 3rd major stroke, she passed away a year later.


10 years ago, 1995 (age 20)

1.Probably the worst year
2.Near fatal incidences.
3.Friendships were challenged.
4.Broke up with my childhood sweetheart.
5.Discovered serial dating and how much I’ve missed out being stuck with one guy since I was 14. Which also means my heart was battered and crushed multiple times but I was always first to get out when things went wrong. Egotistical b****h!


5 years ago, 2000 (age 25)

1.Cyberjaya , teaching at Multimedia University.
2.Finalist for AIM2000 Song of the Year, spoke to M.Nasir for the first time. Starstruck.
3.Befriended a somebody, he liked me too much, I had to run like mad. No way I was going to be cawangan kedua. Despite that major crush on his S-class. Takuttttttt.
4.Seriously dated someone, but did not work out. Continued serial dating, got dumped for the first time. Ouch.
5.Murah rezeki.Alhamdulillah
6.Met Tun Daim, and discovered oh, how down to earth he is. He wears sandals to work.
7.Lost weight with the help of a celebrity doctor, relapsed and accepted the fact that I am just meant to be chunky lah.
8.My best friend taught me how to swim properly.
9.Robert T Kiyosaki changed my life.
10. Had lunch with Siti Hasmah, and discovered how soft her hands are.
11. Got a job in South Africa, and decided that I could actually survive on my own. Takmo kawin, all men suck and all.


3 years ago, 2002 (age 27)

1.Singapore, happily married.
2.Murah rezeki. Alhamdulillah
3.Almost famous.
4.Moved out of the inlaws’ and into our own place.
5.Drive-toured Europe with darling husband. Woo hoo!
6.Miscarried after 12 weeks gestation. Very sad.
7.Actively making hot hot kueh in the oven.
8.Started a home office, doing A&P, virtual assistant.



Last year, 2004 (age 29)

1.Singapore, hot kueh is one year old.
2.Developed chronic dependence on the internet.
3.CA murah rezeki. Alhamdulillah.
4.Mak’s breast cancer metastasized to the lungs and liver.
5.Home business doing pretty well. Toyed with ping pang pet pot (import export)



This year, 2005 (age 30)

1. Singapore, hot kueh is two year old.
2. Discovered blogging and made new friends.
3.Started a home studio.
4.Confirmed that I cannot bake and sew to save my life
5.Seriously writing to publish.
6.Discovered that that Bentong publisher sucks.
7.Grew up. Finally
8.Rezeki is a bit slow, but still okay. Alhamdulillah.
9.Mak relapsed.



Next year, 2006 (age 31)

1.Singapore, actively making another hot kueh?
2.Set up own music publishing house and earn more.
3.Produce own song and earn more.
4.Launch book.
5.Buy property in Malaysia?
6.Aishah weaned and toilet –trained?

10 years from now, 2015 (age 40)

1.Small island off Trengganu,financially independent, with Ely, Maknenek and Uja.
2.All 9 V2020 resolutions realized 5 years in advance. Woo hoo!
3.All hot kuehs on express route to Oxford law/Harvard Business. Unless the kuehs have other plans.
4.Perform Hajj
5.Still making hot kueh in the oven.

Next to be memed: Ely, Redkebaya, Lollies, CK, Noreez, Uja, Mak Nenek, Kakteh(only if you can tear yourself way from the big D) and everyone at Sentraal Station. That means YOU

Mak Sayang

Dearest Mak,

It must have been hard for you to leave me behind back then. I now know how difficult it can get to part with the baby that you have carried for 9 gruelling months, only to be separated from you not long after you've only held her for 3 months. I can't even bear the thought of Aishah not sleeping in the same room with me for one miserable night. But you had no other choice, and it is not my place to question your decision.

I now know that you've had to do it for the sake of my survival. Life for you as a student in your early 20s was hard enough at the time, what with the challenges undergraduate studies, as newlyweds at that, being away from home and all. It was difficult even for you to have a proper meal on the table, what more provide for a baby. I am not bitter anymore, because now I know better. I wrote this for you some time ago, to tell you that I can see things better now.

Kepulanganmu

dikira boleh mengubat rindu

separuh gila berendam sendu

berjauhan dengan aku

disambut gerombolan bengis

mematikan bunga pencak langkahmu

pecah impian merangkul puteri

terbit dan menegang urat serikandi

tak dijemput masuk disua penumbuk

Kau yang tak ku kenali

mengapa kau datang sini

seolah mahu membawaku lari

jauh dari konco-koncoku ini

si comot berlari lari

dalam tempayan ia bersembunyi

setelah lama dicari-cari

disental bersih bersabun mandi

Dalam bingung ada cemas

istana aku dibungkus kemas

meronta-ronta aku yang lemas

dirangkul dipeluk ketat dan kemas

macam kambing takut terlepas

Tika itu ku duniaku berpusing-pusing

konco-konco bengis amarah makin melenting

aku kau bawa jua ke tempat asing

Menitik air mata wanita itu

yang ku kenal sebagai ratu

parah terpanah bisa lidahmu

dari itu aku tutup pintu hatiku

takkan ada ruang buatmu

menagih kasih dan simpatiku

tak terbiasa dengan gerak langkahmu

hingga kini kau sangat asing bagiku

Bila aku sendiri yang melahirkan

naluri yang aneh tapi mengasyikkan

baru terhampar cerita yang membenarkan

gagahnya serikandi bila kasih berantakan

dikala senja baru kesampaian

ampunkanlah aku si budak comot

tangan diikat kepala dipasung

diracun-racun fikiran kolot

menafikan matamu cahaya yang sulung

Baru jelas hikayat pedang dan panah

naluri aneh srikandi barirah

dari sudut pandangan nazrah

I had a vivid dream a few days ago. I dreamt that I was out with Baya (my sis), looking frantically for you, we were on a beach somewhere, suddenly the sky went so dark as if someone turned out the lights. I just remembered that we managed to round up everyone yet you were not in the picture at all. I remember running and running until I woke up sweating only to realize it was just an ugly dream. And a day after that I got a message from Baya that our mother has a greater battle to fight, with a new recurrence your lungs, reportedly progressive. We are praying hard that it won't get to your blood stream, bones and brain. I was crushed upon hearing the latest about you before I went back to see you. But quickly changed my mind, when I saw your sweet, sweet smile.

It is amazing that you were the one who had the rights words to reassure me, and how unperturbed you look, as if nothing was seriously wrong inside your body while I had to fight back tears as not to spoil the mood. It is so apparent who's the stronger person here. I guess you will be okay. I am reminded of Uja's words, that all of us ought to celebrate your life, make the best of the time we have with you and not think about losing our loved ones. That's just, plainly, not our business to poke out cute lil noses in. I could see how cancer has brought our family closer, and altered our set of beliefs that there are things we cannot change and control. But we can always make the best with what we have. Allah has big plans. Great big plans for the people that He loves.

So today, let's celebrate your life, Mak. You are positivity personified. The story of your life may not always be sugarcoated, but you've always come out valiant and triumphant. Happy Birthday, Mak sayang. May Allah bless us all with a lifetime of good things and a grander life in the Hereafter. The Grand Design is a meticulous one, but there is a light. May we all find that light. Amin.