Sedulous Sunday Superglued

My flu is gone and I was tearfullly reunited with my mops, solvents and detergents. Please, please stop thinking that I am a neat freak who is in constant war with grease, dustmites, germs and bad smells( did I miss anything?). I must admit I love the smell of bleach, disinfectants and detergents. However, my house is far from those pictures you see in Good Housekeeping, not even close to the Nate-ized ugliest room in America according to Harpo polls. But I do own up that certain days it does smell like a hospital. To keep my house in considerable, livable order, I have to go through what I may have insinuated as an anal retentive obsession. Remember, my middle name is hyperbole.

I was tearful because I just had too much to do. Also because I was not responsible for most of the mess. My mess is just the Kilimanjaro of unfolded laundry lah. Tu je. I managed only minimal clean-up while I was sick for nearly a week and slacked in my housework. By the time I could safely stand up and not feel woozy, the house looked as if a major typhoon had hit it. Okay, I exaggerate. Tapi Ya Rabbi bersepahnya laaaaaaaaaah!! Next time I get sick, I will touch up-touch up and pack the whole brood to a service apartment. Duit boleh cari, ngamuk bawak misery, kat hotel orang lain cuci. Gua pun tak sakit hati.

After I made Che Anwar his Chilli Corned Beef ( apa saja la orang sini makan eh?), I got into my dirtbusting gear. I started cleaning at 10 am and finished at 4pm, with breaks in between. I was flat like a punctured tyre the karong guni man rejected. I was just about ready to duduk kaki atas kaki, those two were itching to go out.

That's the thing with apartment(HDB lah, eksi borak pulak dia) living. Small spaces make a little clutter look like a gangrenous eye sore ( eyes can get gangrene one meh?). And you can only subject yourselves to such claustophobic conditions for half a day and you must get out and touch the grass and look at the trees or the stretches of reclaimed land turned sandy beaches. Eh, you know, Che Bedah, the sand on some beaches down here were imported from our country you know. You can't begin to imagine how much Malaysia is there in constantly expanding Singapore.

Anyway, off we went to Punggol Beach.

Waaah. Dekatnya Johor seh.

If I wasn't so tired, I'd definitely swim over to Pasir Gudang which was sepelaung so close to the beach where I was standing.Tak bedek. Oh well, even my skodeng binoculars did not salve my homesickness. I was supposed to go back on the 11th but Mom and Dad will only be back on the 12th. Which means, I can only make a trip up on the 18thlah, the weekend after. Seksa.

Bila ku rindu akan ku sebut namamu....

Food glorious foodlah.

The Singaporean fare is exquisite yet I crave for the simplicity of my lauk-pauk, kueh-mueh kampung ese.

Ikan Parang Masak Pindang.

Assam Robush Batang Keladi.

Masak Lomak Siput Sodut.

Assam Podeh Ikan Apo Apo Pun Buleh lah

Pajeri Noneh

Itik Masak Ghompah

Ikan Glamo Gogheng

Masak Lomak Ghobung

Ikan Smilang Panggang Blado

Samba Blacan Campur Binjai ko Tempoyak ko....

Kueh Kelopong

Tapai Ubi

Penganan Talam

Lempeng Klapo

Dan banyak laie lahh...Koso an doh!

Lopeh tu, we went to the hardware shop because I needed some stuff for the house. A longer hose for the mini reef, superglue to repair Aishah's new sandals, the tassles dah dibega-begakannya; and a small saucepot as a treat for my housekeeping accomplishments, oh well, must get something for myself or else it would not be called shopping eh?

When we got home, I readied for my attempt to save Aishah's 40 dollar sandals. Mangkuk punya OngkoshBolos, dua kali pakai dah tercabut.

Squeeze. Smear-smear. Pat-pat. Press.

Omaaaaaaaaaaaaak!

su·per·glue

Pronunciation: 'sü-p&r-"glü

Function: noun: a very strong glue; specifically : a glue whose chief ingredient is cyanoacrylate that becomes adhesive through polymerization rather than evaporation of a solvent

"Stuck in the Middle with You"

Based on the performance by Stealer's Wheel

"Stuck with My Own SuperGlue"

Parody by Merry & Pippin

Well I knew that SuperGlue cap was tight

When it flew off then it gave me a fright

I'm so scared - I think I'm stuck to this chair

And I'm worrying I got lots in my hair

Thumb stuck on my left hand - fingers on my right

Here I am - stuck with my own SuperGlue

Yes I'm stuck with my own SuperGlue

And I'm wondering how to stop all this flow

I'm afraid I've glued the cat to my face

Oozing around here it's all over the place

Gummed up my left eyelid - jammed open the right

Here I am stuck with my own SuperGlue

Well now ev'rything I'm touching

Is adhering at the speed of light

Soon my skin I must be peeling

Clothes stuck to my back and I scream, scream

Try to pry my hand from the wall

But I can't see 'cus it's in my eyeball

Now my foot's cemented fast to the floor

And I don't think that I can hear anymore

Wood stuck in my left ear

- crayons in my right

Here I am stuck with my own SuperGlue

Well I should have used some Elmer's

Or just tied stuff with a rubber band

Now my face is all distorted

Glued into a permanent crease, crease

Now I know that that adhesive was tight

And my rescuers they saw a strange sight

Smiles to the left of me - laughter to the right'

Cus I am stuck with my own SuperGlue

Yes I am stuck with my own SuperGlue

Stuck with my own SuperGlue

Yes I am stuck with my own SuperGlue

Okay, okay, I just got my thumb and my index finger bonded, tak le se-overacting lagu yang tersebut di atas. Since my rockstar is at home today, buat-buat manja lah. But my manja backfired as my being melodramatic screamed bloody murder. Panic members. Gua overacting je lebih. As I felt my finger adhere to each other, forming a permanent OK sign, Aishah was frantic thinking that I was in great pain, and wailed. All pandemonium broke loose.

The first thing that came across my mind was, "Gimme baby lotion! Quick!"

Didn't work.

After what looked like a mini saie , running back and forth, Anwar decided to google for home remedies. He found that aceton would help. Whoa...apa eh aceton tu?

Ha,nail polish remover lah!

But then, I don't use nail polish.

Aiyo.

Okay, now what?

Dip fingers in hot water and wriggle them loose.

Mak ngko...masak!

Didn't work.

My hulubalang in pelikat ransacked my store room and found a paint thinner.

He could not find my stainless steel bowl and decided to empty a tin of condensed milk to store the thinner. Luckily there was an aluminium ashtray on my dish rack, so I didn't have to dip my fingers into a tin and risk a cut or two.

Already grimacing in pain from the hot water bath, 3 minutes dipping in don't-know-what caustic substance, my poor fingers turned crimson yet still very much polymerized together. I got a brainwave and hollered for a cottobud. Gently scrapping and rubbing the glue off while reciting the same zikir I recited when I gave birth to Aishah, my pruny and red fingers were unstuck. The heat from the thinner penetrated through my nails and burnt my cuticles. By then I was crying real tears with Aishah doubly hysterical, Anwar prepared an ice bath for my poor traumatized fingers.

Tobat nasuha, I am swearing off Superglue for good. Lucky thing I did manage to fix those sandals. Otherwise, I'd find a way to sue Ongkosh Bolos.